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FAQ #5: Healthy Self-Esteem

Today’s discussion is about Healthy Self-Esteem.


Introduction to Self-Esteem

The most common issues I see are the deep work. These next few posts are going to focus on deep work. These topics will build on each other, so starting with self-esteem is appropriate. The textbook definition of self-esteem is your subjective self-worth.

For example, what you think of your value is calling out your self-esteem issues. These have the potential side effect of causing lower self-esteem. Pointing out your flaws, recognizing you’re not perfect, and when you do it to yourself, you’re just inviting an attack on your self-esteem.

What Doesn’t Work

So there’s a bunch of stuff out there you can look for, and it says, oh, you know, if you’re talking about your subjective self-worth, well then you need to do affirmations, and you need to make a list of all your wonderful attributes, and that’s all fine, and you’re welcome to do that, that is not to way I go about it.

I think affirmations are bullshit; I think most of the stuff out there centered around making yourself feel better is bullshit because what you’re doing with a lot of those techniques and a lot of those strategies is just trying to stroke your ego, and that’s not what I’m talking about.

Self-Esteem and Ego

The ego is the straw house built on the beach at high tide with fifty-mile-per-hour winds; it’s just that ego-type stuff doesn’t last. What I prefer to do when I’m working on myself or with my close friends and family is to build self-esteem with a Trojan horse, which starts with your values and starts with your emotional needs. These are number one and number two on the frequently asked questions list because they’re the foundation of everything you are.

Foundations of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is important because your impression of your self-worth and self-esteem significantly influence your decision-making. If you have low self-esteem, you don’t care about tomorrow, don’t think you’re worth much, don’t think to deserve much, and make shitty decisions. If you have high self-esteem, you tend to think more about the future, your reputation, and what’s good enough for you.

So, the big catch and the big issue with having self-esteem issues is that it’s a downward spiral because if you have low self-esteem, you make shitty decisions, you feel bad about yourself, your life reflects that you have lower self-esteem, you make shittier decisions, it’s just a downward spiral.

What Does Work to Build Self-Esteem?

I don’t go straight after the self-esteem stuff because, again, affirmations, for me, I think they’re stupid. Staring at myself in the mirror, telling myself that I’m a good person…I would rather see that self-worth through action, my choices, and what I do to meet my emotional needs, which we’ll get into later in the week.

But basically, that’s it. I guess this discussion will be somewhat short because self-esteem often comes up. I don’t think you should attack self-esteem head-on because if you have self-esteem issues, there’s bigger stuff going on.

Low self-esteem and poor decision-making reflect your values and the lack of meeting your needs. Typically, if you’re not taking steps to meet your needs, it’s because of some bigger issues, which we’ll get into later in the week.


There it is; self-esteem makes the top five. My observation is that low self-esteem or having self-esteem or confidence issues reflects deeper problems. Therefore, we don’t spend a lot of time one-on-one, just specifically looking at self-esteem issues. I believe that self-esteem issues are a symptom of a deeper cause, and hopefully, we’ll talk about that more this week.

Thanks for checking in with me. I appreciate it, be sure to subscribe to this blog and my YouTube channel, The Pursuit of Identity & Purpose, to get these posts, videos, and future updates. Thanks, take care.

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