Pursuit of Identity & Purpose FAQ #5: Self Esteem


Hey everybody, today’s discussion is about self-esteem.

The most common issues I see, so these next few posts, like the next five or so, are really the deep work. Each of these topics are gonna kind of build on each other so it’s very, very appropriate that we start with self-esteem.

So, the textbook definition of self-esteem is your subjective self worth.

As an example, what you think your value is, and a lot of people have self-esteem issues, but even calling out your own self-esteem issues has the potential side effect of causing lower self-esteem. So basically, pointing out your own flaws, recognizing you’re not perfect and when you do it to yourself, I mean you’re just inviting an attack on your own self-esteem.

So there’s a bunch of stuff out there obviously you can look for and it says, oh you know, if you’re talking about your subjective self-worth well then you need to do affirmations and you need to make a list of all your wonderful attributes and that’s all fine and you’re welcome to do that, that is not to way I go about it.

I think affirmations are bullshit, I think most of the stuff out there centered around making yourself feel better is bullshit because really what you’re doing with a lot of those techniques and a lot of those strategies is just trying to stroke your own ego and that’s not what I’m talking about.

The ego is the straw house built on the beach at high tide with fifty mile-per-hour-winds, its just that ego type stuff doesn’t last. What I prefer to do when I’m working on myself or with my close friends and family is to build self-esteem kind of with a Trojan horse which starts with your values and starts with your emotional needs. Which are number one and number two on the frequently asked questions list because it’s the foundation of everything that you are as a person.

The reason self-esteem is so important and why it comes up so often though is because your impression of your self-worth and your self-esteem significantly influences your decision-making. If you have low self-esteem you don’t really care about tomorrow, you don’t really think you’re worth much, you don’t think to deserve much, you make shitty decisions. If you have high self-esteem you tend to think more about the future, you tend to think more about your reputation, you tend to think more about what’s good enough for you.

So, the big catch and the big issue with having self-esteem issues is that it’s a downward spiral because if you have low self-esteem you make shitty decisions, you feel bad about yourself, your life reflects that, you have lower self-esteem, you make shittier decisions, it’s just a downward spiral.

Me, personally, I don’t go straight after the self-esteem stuff because again affirmations, for me I think they’re stupid. Staring at myself in the mirror telling myself that I’m a good person…I would rather see that self-worth through action and through my choices and through things that I do by meeting my emotional needs, which we’ll get into later in the week.

But basically, that’s it, I guess this discussion is gonna be kinda short because self-esteem comes up a lot, but I don’t think you should attack self-esteem head-on because if you have self-esteem issues there’s bigger stuff going on.

Low self-esteem, poor decision-making are a reflection of your values and the lack of your needs being met and typically if you’re not taking steps to make your needs be met it’s because of some bigger issues, which we’ll get into later in the week.

So basically there it is, I mean self-esteem makes the top five, but personally I think low self-esteem or having self-esteem issues or confidence issues, I think that’s a reflection of deeper problems. So I really don’t spend a lot of time one-on-one just specifically looking at self-esteem issues, I think self-esteem issues are a symptom of a deeper cause and hopefully we’ll talk about that some more this week.

So, thanks for checking in with me I appreciate it, be sure to subscribe to this blog and my YouTube channel  The Pursuit of Identity & Purpose to get these posts and videos and future updates. Thanks, take care.

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