23 Jun A Father’s Guide to Father’s Day
Today I have a very special topic, a message I want to send in honor of Father’s Day.
We’re gonna talk about what horrible receivers men are.
So I think you all probably can understand or at least appreciate where I’m coming from. When you try to do something special for the man in your life whether its your brother or your father or even your son, men are just horrible receivers.
A lot of that stems from our impression, either consciously or unconsciously, that to receive and to accept praise and to accept admiration or any kind of attention whatsoever makes us needy, and being needy is unattractive and being needy is ultimately going to lead to some kinda abandonment.
So typically on Father’s Day, you know what dads will do, they say hey thanks, yeah its cool, I’m just humble, I’m quiet, I don’t need a lot of attention.
And for many of them that’s what they feel is correct and if you press them and really shove them into the spotlight they get very very uncomfortable, myself included, I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding the spotlight and avoiding attention and it’s made me a really horrible receiver.
So there’s a couple different problems with that and first let’s focus on our kids for a second or for those people in our lives who love us and want to give to us, and that’s a perfectly acceptable thing, right, people who love us want to celebrate us they want to show us how much they care, and they do that by giving to us.
Well when we’re horrible receivers and we don’t receive that well, what happens is we make those people kinda feel bad, right, they go out of their way, they do something really special, they spend a lot of time preparing and picking out just the right gift, just after putting together the perfect party or celebration, and then we’re super humble and super quiet and we feel annoyed by that.
Well it just makes sense that if we want to honor those people and love those people that we would be in a place where we could accept that, and we could accept all that giving and accept all that attention, and really show that we appreciate it and that we’re valued.
But for a lot of men, lets go to the other side of the equation, it is very uncomfortable to receive because, like I said earlier, we’re just never really taught how to receive and we’re led to believe that men who have needs are weak, men who have needs and become needy are therefore some kind of a burden.
So, what needs to change is men need to teach their sons to be able to receive well and men need to take it upon themselves to accept that what really honors the people in our lives and our loved ones, is being able to accept their love and their attention in a healthy way
So, there’s a difference here and in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy Dr. Robert Glover explains the difference between being a caretaker and being caring and in a nutshell the difference between being a caretaker and being a caring person is the caretaker really gives from a place that’s focused just on themselves whereas someone who is caring gives from the perspective of the receiver. So many men were raised to be caretakers and not to be caring where they kinda have these little subtle things, where if I do this then I’ll get this in return, they’re called covert contracts but that’s not really the focus of this video.
What I want to do is I want to talk to men out there on this Father’s Day and say one of the best things that you can do for yourself, for your loved ones, especially your children since we’re talking about Father’s Day, is to learn how to be a good receiver and not only will that make you a better parent, not only will it reflect love back onto those who love you, but it’ll also teach those children of ours how to be good receivers themselves.
So how do you do that? Well first and foremost you have to accept that everyone has needs and that it is perfectly healthy, very very healthy in fact, to have needs.
Step 1: take a break, take a step back and think about what your needs are, you really should have a thorough understanding of what your physical, emotional, and intellectual needs are and be able to acknowledge that those are your needs.
Step 2: in that process is to accept that you can have those needs met and you should have those needs met. It’s perfectly acceptable and you don’t have to do them by yourself, all right.
So a mature person make their needs a priority and this isn’t a selfish thing a lot of men in particular have a hard time with this thing, they think it’s a very selfish thing to put their needs first but the reality is what you’re doing is not only putting your needs first but, again remember what I challenge you to do here, you’re teaching your loved ones to put their needs first also, okay?
Step 3: Next ask for help, ask for help in having those needs met in a very clear and direct way. One of the things that gets us men in trouble is we kind of do this four-step process for getting our needs met we have a need so we kind of extrapolate out how if I do this thing then someone will reciprocate in a certain way and if they do that then I’ll have my needs met,
That’s a really sneaky and kind of crappy way to do that it really sets the people up in your life for failure because they don’t realize that they’re being tested
Step 4: And then you have to accept that the world is a place that’s full of abundance and that your needs not only do you have a right to have your needs met but there’s also ample opportunity to have your needs met.
So there’s my challenge to you dads or fathers on Father’s Day, my challenge to you is to go through those few steps, think about your needs and communicate those needs to the people in your life that really want to meet those needs for you because they love and care about you.
Then I want you to spend a week putting yourself first. Now from a stereotypical male perspective that doesn’t mean ignoring all your responsibilities I would never never advocate that position, right, always take care of your responsibilities first, but this week for a week spend the time to make your needs a priority and make sure that you’re getting your needs met,
But don’t do it in a sneaky way, announce it, tell those people in your life who you hope to get those needs met by, that you’re doing this for the week and run that little experiment for yourself.
Best-case scenario hopefully you have a buddy or a friend or someone that you can confide in and talk to them during this process as well and tell them, ‘I’m really not comfortable with this but I’m gonna stick with it for a week’, have an accountability partner is what I’m asking.
Okay, thats the big stuff I wanted to talk about today for all you dads out there happy Father’s Day and be a good receiver alright talk to you next time .